By Larry Mark Honig, PhD | Published May 8, 2025 | 5 min read
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A Different Perspective for Mother’s Day 2025
As Mother’s Day approaches this Sunday, many of us experience a complex mix of emotions. While some celebrate loving maternal bonds, others navigate complicated feelings about mothers who – for various reasons – couldn’t provide the nurturing we needed.
If you’re feeling conflicted this Mother’s Day, please know you’re not alone.
When Mother’s Day Brings Mixed Emotions
As both a psychologist specializing in trauma and PTSD, I regularly hear stories from people whose mothers couldn’t truly “mother” them. Beyond obvious abuse or neglect, many experience subtler wounds from mothers who couldn’t offer the affection and support they craved.
The perfect family image rarely matches reality. The essential first step toward healing is honesty about your actual experience. Whether you rationalize that your mother “did her best” or still question her treatment of you, the Constellation approach encourages accepting what is.
You are entitled to your feelings, which you often cannot control anyway. You are not guilty for violating social norms if you feel lingering hurt or need protection from toxic behavior.
Healing Through Constellation Work
One powerful truth from Constellation work is recognizing that these patterns didn’t originate with you or even with your mother. Trauma travels through generations, encoded in both DNA and what some call “entangled consciousness.”
At last year’s ANZCI (Aotearoa New Zealand Constellations Immersion), I participated in a transformative exercise led by Shavasti (John Payne). In groups of three, we represented parents for each other while repeating a simple phrase:
“Thank you, for what you could do for me.“
Though initially highlighting what was missing, this practice eventually shifted my focus toward genuine appreciation. Sometimes the only gift a parent gave was life itself – and without them, we wouldn’t exist.
Finding Gratitude Amid Complexity
Reading about this exercise doesn’t compare to experiencing those minutes of guided repetition with support for whatever emotions arose. But Constellation work often includes healing sentences like “thank you for giving me life,” acknowledging a fundamental truth regardless of your relationship quality.
No matter if you knew your mother, were raised by her, or how she treated you – you exist because two people came together, and she carried you. Life itself is a gift.
A Different Approach to Mother’s Day
This Mother’s Day, perhaps we can honor life itself. We might express gratitude to our Creator as the ultimate source of our being, while acknowledging that we were all carried in our mothers’ wombs, as they were carried in their mothers’ wombs, generation after generation.
We arrived on this earth to experience life exactly as it is and was – for us and for them.
Finding Your Path Forward
If Mother’s Day brings difficult emotions for you:
- Honor your authentic feelings without judgment
- Consider what you can genuinely appreciate, even if it’s simply the gift of life
- Recognize that intergenerational patterns influenced your mother’s capacity
- Seek support if needed from trusted friends or professionals
If this post resonated with you, please share it with someone who might benefit. For information about upcoming Constellation workshops or therapeutic support, contact us through the form below.
Family Constellation Therapy
Larry Mark Honig, PhD
Larry Mark Honig, PhD is a clinical psychologist specializing in trauma recovery and Constellation work. He leads workshops helping people heal from complex family relationships and generational patterns.
